


The Wiener Party

by Antarctic_Echoes



Series: Luciferian Fics (One shots) [32]
Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: "Let's Wing It!" Fic Exchange, F/M, Humor, Lucifer messes up, Lucifer saves the day, Stressed out Chloe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-15
Updated: 2017-08-15
Packaged: 2018-12-15 15:48:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11809164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Antarctic_Echoes/pseuds/Antarctic_Echoes
Summary: When a distressed Lucifer calls Chloe, she drops everything and rushes to him.  But what she finds isn't what she expects....Takes place after S2x08.For the "Let's Wing It" Fic Exchange.One-shot.





	The Wiener Party

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ScooterThyme](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScooterThyme/gifts).



> This is for the "Let's Wing It!" Fic Exchange. My prompt was the photo below (link in end note), from ScooterThyme! I hope you enjoy your story, ScooterThyme! <3 Don't worry, it's not as suggestive as the title sounds. :)
> 
> This has not been betaed so I apologize in advance for all mistakes. 
> 
>  
> 
> Disclaimer: Lucifer Morningstar and Chloe Decker are owned by Vertigo Comics, DC Comics, Neil Gaiman, Mike Carey, and everyone else involved with the Lucifer TV show and comic books. I own nothing and make no money on this. I merely am borrowing the characters for... uh... writing practice.

 

  


 

 

“You can’t possibly be dumping this on me.”

Chloe stared in horror at her superior, Lieutenant Olivia Monroe.  Sitting behind the wide desk, the dark-haired woman studiously avoided her eye as she busied herself with paperwork.  The detective was sure she was doing it just to avoid the issue.

“You’re the only one around, Decker,” the lieutenant said, still not looking up.  “Perez said he forgot to arrange the food.”

“Then he should be the one to take care of this mess!”

“He called in sick.”  Olivia glanced up at her, then back down as she cleared her throat.  “Look, I hate doing this to you, but everyone else is busy on a case, and since you just finished yours....”  She left the sentence hanging.

“But I wasn’t even going!” she wailed.  Still not well liked by the department after the incident with Malcolm -- some of her colleagues _still_ refused to believe that he was a bad guy -- she had decided to bow out, like she did every year.  She did, however, let Lucifer know he was welcome to attend the picnic.  He had given her a puzzled look and said, “Why would I want to go, if you’re not there?”

That had warmed her heart.

“Whether or not you’re going is not my problem,” Olivia said, returning the blonde detective’s attention back to the dilemma at hand.  “I’m still putting you in charge of the food.”

Chloe’s mouth fell open.  “But -- but Perez is the one who has the money for food.  How I am I supposed to --”

“Again, not my problem.”

Fury burned within her.  “You can’t do this.  The annual Detectives’ Picnic is in just over an hour.  Even if I had the money, I can’t possibly get anything catered by then --”

“I’m sure you’ll come up with something.”  Olivia looked at her with a crafty gleam in her eye.  “Maybe you can get Lucifer -- I mean, Mister Morningstar -- to help you.  You know, have him pay for everything --”

Indignation shot through Chloe at her superior’s words.  “I’m not about to take advantage of him like that.”

The dark-haired woman shrugged and waved her hand.  “It’s all on you, then.  You can be sure I’ll tell everyone that it’s your fault when there’s no food at the picnic.  Dismissed.”

Fuming, Chloe stalked out of the office, ready to kill Perez for letting this happen.  Out sick?  Hah!  He was probably too scared to come in, knowing that he had totally failed in the job for which he had volunteered.  How was she possibly going to find someone to cater an event in an hour?  Maybe everyone could go without food and just play baseball...?  But no.  They would be expecting to be fed....

As Chloe stormed back to her desk, her phone rang.  Happy for the distraction, she pulled it out of her pocket and saw that it was Lucifer calling.  Wondering what could be wrong, she quickly answered.  “Lucifer?  What’s up?”

“Detective!  Please, you must come quickly!”

Fear shot through her at the distress in his voice.  “What’s wrong?”

“You must come -- hurry!”

“Okay, I’m on my way.  Where are you?”  Grabbing a piece of paper and pencil off a nearby desk, she jotted down the address he rattled off to her.  “Got it.  I’ll be right there.”

Picnic forgotten, she took off running out of the precinct and rushed to her car.  As she zipped in and out of traffic, speeding to his location, she wondered what had happened.  Did he find a dead body?  Or perhaps he had gotten into a fight?  Her partner wasn’t the most careful man with his words -- some of the things he said to people were downright incendiary.  Had he offended someone he couldn’t handle?  She hoped that wasn’t the case, but she couldn’t imagine any other scenario that would cause him to call in such a panic.

Pulling into the parking lot of the shopping center, she was surprised to see a crowd of people milling about.  Oh god, what kind of trouble had Lucifer gotten himself into this time?

As she got out of her car, her partner strode up to her in a brisk, no-nonsense manner.  Considering how upset he had sounded, she would have thought he’d look worried, but his handsome face was beaming as he greeted her.

“Detective!  So glad you could make it!”

Well, that was odd.  Chloe gave him a suspicious look as he beckoned her to follow him through the crowd of people.  “You made it sound urgent.”

“It’s of the utmost urgency, my dear.  Please... come this way.”

Wondering what was going on, she followed him past the throng of people gathered around an EZ-UP tent, eating hot dogs, to another parking area.  With a huge smile on his face, he waved.  “There!”

There weren’t any dead bodies, fights, or accidents.  In fact, there wasn’t anything.  She blinked.  “What am I supposed to be looking at?”

His mouth fell open.  “You don’t see...?  There!”  He waved again, harder this time.

She still didn’t see what had made him call with such urgency.  Obviously there was nothing requiring police intervention --

Sighing heavily, Lucifer jabbed his finger at the parked cars.   _“There.”_

Looking along his pointing hand, Chloe finally saw what had caught her partner’s attention: the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile.  A twenty-seven foot long, eleven foot tall, eight foot wide monstrosity in the shape of a giant wiener.

Her mouth fell open.   _No, no, no._  Surely he hadn’t called her here for _that?!_

He had.

Lucifer beamed as he gazed reverently at the vehicle.  “It’s the Wienermobile, Detective!  Have you ever seen a more glorious sight?”

For a long moment she stared at him in disbelief as a sense of dread overcame her.  She should have known.  Groaning, she slapped her palm on her forehead.  “You called me out here... to see that?!”

He smiled.  “Well, of course.  It’s not every day you get to see the famous Wienermobile.  And not only that -- look where it’s parked!”

The giant vehicle was between two tan-colored buses that looked somewhat misshapen.  Squinting, Chloe tried to figure out what Lucifer found so fascinating.  Were the buses supposed to be hot dog buns?  

“So it’s parked between two buses.  So what?”

Lucifer goggled at her.  “You... you don’t see it?  How can you not see it?”  He grinned wickedly as he waved at the Wienermobile again.  “Right.  It’s parked between two Planters Nutmobiles!  Get it?”  His face was a picture of pure glee.  “Don’t you see?  It’s a giant wiener with two --”

Chloe rolled her eyes as heat rushed up her neck and into her cheeks.  “Oh my god --”

“No, not Dad!  I can assure you, his wedding tackle isn’t quite so magnificent, although I’m sure he wishes it was.  You’d think it would be, considering that he did create the universe when he had sex with Mum, but --”

“Lucifer, stop.”

“But it’s such a glorious sight, don’t you think?”  He rocked on his heels as he admired the vehicle.

God, _why_ was she burdened with a partner who suffered from Peter Pan Syndrome?  She couldn’t believe him sometimes.  “Lucifer --”

“I mean, the chances of seeing something like this are astronomical --”

“Lucifer!”

“I’d love to drive it a bit.  Not for my regular vehicle, mind you -- nothing can replace the Corvette.  But still, I’d love the fact that I’d be driving around a giant, erect --”

_“Lucifer!”_

“And can you imagine having equipment like that?”

She let out a primal scream, shocking him into silence.  “You pulled me out of the office for _this?!_  Do you have any idea what you’ve done?!”

He blinked at her in surprise.  “You... you aren’t pleased?”

Pointing at her enraged face, she snarled, “What part of this looks like I’m pleased?”

Backing up a step, he looked to his left and right before biting his lower lip.  “But... I thought you’d be pleased.  After all, it’s not every day one sees the Wienermobile parked between two --”

She wanted to kill him, she really did.  “No, I am _not_ pleased.”

Looking like a kicked puppy, his shoulders fell and he stared at the ground.  “Oh.”

Guilt swept through her at Lucifer’s expression.  It wasn’t his fault that she had been saddled with the food mess for the picnic.  Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes and counted to ten, then slowly released it.  “Look, I appreciate your enthusiasm, but you can’t be calling me about things like this when I’m working.  I have important things to do --”

He immediately brightened.  “A case, Detective?  Why didn’t you say so?”

“No, not a case.”  Tugging at the back of her neck, Chloe stared up at the clear, blue sky above and wished for some peace and tranquility.  Wasn’t blue supposed to be a calming color?  She certainly didn’t feel calm.  “The annual Detectives’ Picnic is in less than an hour --”

“Is that today?  I thought you weren’t going,”  he said, cocking his head at her.  “Right.  You can absolutely change your mind, but --”

“Believe me, I don’t _want_ to go, but the lieutenant put me in charge of food just half an hour ago.  There’s no way I can round up a caterer by then.”  She wilted as she shook her head.  “She said she’d be sure to tell everyone it’s my fault there isn’t any food -- I’ll be hated even more than I already am.”

Her partner’s mouth tightened and his eyes grew hard.  “Then don’t go.  It’s not your fault, it’s Olivia’s.  She has no right to do this to you --”

But Chloe shook her head.  “And leave everyone in the lurch?  No, I can’t do that -- not when they’re expecting to be fed.  The least I can do is go and apologize, even if it was dumped on me at the last minute.”  

Lucifer’s eyebrows drew together.  “But Detective, I don’t understand -- this isn’t your fault!”

“It doesn’t matter.”  Glancing up, she saw concern in his expression -- or was it pity?  She didn’t want his pity.  Straightening her shoulders, she gave him a brave smile.  “I’m sorry, Lucifer.  I didn’t mean to ruin your fun.  It’s just bad timing.  Look, I’ll see you later, okay?  I... I have to go and face the music.”

Turning on her heel, she walked swiftly to her car, ignoring him as he called after her.

 

  
________________________________________

 

 

Lucifer stared after Chloe, his insides twisting into knots at the sight of defeat weighing down her shoulders.  He hadn’t known that the lieutenant had burdened her with such a responsibility, hadn’t realized she was more stressed than normal.  He had just wanted her to see....

His chest started to hurt.  It had never been his intention to hurt the detective, but he had, hadn’t he?  Just like he hurt everyone around him.  The urge to bash his head into a wall was overwhelming, but he took a deep breath and tried to quell the sick feeling inside of him.  She was the one person he had never wanted to hurt, so he’d have to fix this... somehow.

But how?  Pursing his lips, he tapped his chin with his fingers.  What to do, what to do....  His eyes fell on the people gathered around the EZ-UP tent in the parking lot, and a bright idea came into his head.  Grinning widely, he fished his phone from his jacket pocket and dialed the station chief as he started heading toward the crowd.

“Officer Cowan?  Yes, hi, Lucifer Morningstar here.  Can you tell me where the Detectives’ Picnic is being held?”

 

  
________________________________________

 

 

Chloe drove as slowly as she could to the Cheviot Hills Recreation Center.  Everything inside of her was screaming not to go.  Cursing her conscience, she wished she could call in sick, like Perez.  Then again, what did it matter, anyway?  She was already hated -- a little more contempt wouldn’t make any difference.

Still, the urge to throw up was overwhelming as she drove down the access road to the semi-private picnic area.  Everyone was going to be so disappointed....  As she pulled into the parking lot, she felt her stomach drop to her knees.  Just the sight of all the hungry families milling around the picnic tables had her ready to bolt.  Glancing over at the nearest baseball diamond, she saw some of her coworkers already there, tossing a ball around and warming up for the upcoming game.  Everyone was expecting to have a wonderful time.  How was she going to tell them there was no food?

Lieutenant Monroe approached her, an expectant look on her face.  “I hope you came through, Decker.”

“I... uh... well....”

Olivia lifted an eyebrow and waited, as other detectives came wandering up.

“Hey, Decker, we heard you’ve provided the food,” one coworker said.

“Yeah, we’re hungry -- when do we get to eat?” another asked.

Chloe suddenly felt the overbearing weight of responsibility on her shoulders as all eyes turned to her.  The moment she had been dreading was here.  Braving a zombie apocalypse would have been far easier than confronting her hungry coworkers, but she was a Decker, and Deckers never backed down from a fight.  Stiffening her spine and pulling her shoulders back, she took a deep breath and faced the growing crowd.

“Uh.  Yeah.  Listen, I know you’ve all been looking forward to the picnic today.  As you know, Johnny Perez was originally in charge of the food --” Raising her voice as the faint sound of cars honking from the street interrupted her, she plowed on.  “-- but he called in sick, so I’ve been... uh... asked to take over.”

The honking grew closer, louder.

“Johnny usually has a big spread of tacos laid out for you, but I’m afraid that’s not going to happen this year.  In fact....”  Chloe broke off as the deafening honking drowned out her voice.  Taking a deep breath, she swallowed hard and spoke even louder.  “In fact, this year I’m sorry to say that I --”

A big cheer went up from the crowd, surprising her so much that she took a step back.  As they pushed past her, people clasped her on the shoulder and told her how great she was.  Completely bewildered, Chloe turned to see what had made everyone so happy.

Lucifer had just pulled into the parking lot in his spiffy convertible, with the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile close behind.  

“Free hot dogs for everyone!” Lucifer yelled as he hopped out of his car and grabbed a box filled with groceries from the passenger seat.  “Right -- I’ve got chips, salsa and potato salad, for anyone who wants it!”

Chloe stood there in stunned silence, unable to believe that her partner -- her self-absorbed, selfish, childish partner -- had come to save the day.  As tears burned at the back of her eyes, she blinked rapidly to push them back.  All the tension left her body as she watched the hungry detectives surge up to relieve him of his box of foodstuffs.  Meanwhile, the kids dashed up to the Wienermobile and cheered while the Oscar Mayer workers erected an EZ-UP tent -- the same one that had been at the shopping center earlier -- and started handing out hot dogs.

“Hot dogs?  Good thinking.  The quintessential picnic food,” Olivia said as she walked past Chloe.  “Well done.”

“Chloe, you’re awesome!” Dan cried as he ran up to her, his face lit up like a little kid’s.  “It’s the Wienermobile!  Man, do you know how much I’ve always wanted to see it?”  Without waiting for a reply, he dashed off to admire the giant vehicle, passing Lucifer along the way.

The tall man sauntered up to Chloe with his hands in his trouser pockets.  Practically alone now that no one was paying attention to her, she waited for him to reach her.

“Well, Detective, it seems my fascination with giant wieners isn’t all bad.”  Lucifer looked down at her and grinned.

Her eyes sparkled as she gazed up at him.  “Not completely bad, no.”  As she worried her lower lip between her teeth, she glanced down at the ground before looking at him again.  “Look, I’ll pay you back for --”

“Nonsense, Detective!”  He snorted as he tossed his head.  “The Wienermobile gives out free hot dogs wherever it goes.  And as for the rest....”  He waved dismissively.  “I won’t hear of it.”

Dismay shot through her as her face flushed.  “But it must have been expensive --”

He chuckled as amusement lit his face.  “It’s just money.  What good is it if I can’t spend it the way I desire?”  The humor left his eyes as he grew serious.  “Detective, about this morning... I never meant to... well....  I just --”

“This more than makes up for it, Lucifer.”  Chloe’s eyes grew tender as warmth inundated her.  Unable to find the words to express herself, she threw her arms around him and hugged him hard.  How she cared for this man -- this wonderful, thoughtful, beautiful partner of hers!  She thanked her lucky stars that he was in her life.  “Thank you.”

For a moment he hesitated, then she felt his strong arms wrap around her and give her a squeeze back.  His cheek pressed against her hair, filling her with happiness.  “You’re welcome, Detective.  You are very welcome.”

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Here is the link to the original photo that was used as a prompt. :)  
> http://memeguy.com/photos/images/a-friend-of-mine-was-selected-to-drive-an-oscar-mayer-weinermobile-for-a-year-today-she-found-t-spot-181428.jpg


End file.
